SPIDERS - eeewwwww!

I killed two black widow spiders yesterday. Gross. Double gross. I hate hate hate spiders! Did I mention I hate spiders?

It looks like this is going to be another big year for those nasty critters. The worst was when we kept finding them ON THE FRONT PORCH. Did nobody tell them they're supposed to hide in dark places?!? Must've been mutants, or something.

EEEWWW!

Magic Eraser

I found a new use for a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! Piano keys! It even removed most of the scotch tape one of my daughters (who shall remain nameless) used to label them with.

Rambling thoughts...

I read a magazine article today where a woman mentioned looking at old pictures of herself and realizing how hot she was before "neckular degeneration" set in. First, I nearly laughed myself under the table at her wonderfully descriptive phrase, and then started thinking about how self critical many of us are. And how that author still is, since she was basically saying that women with neckular degeneration can't be hot! And we all know that hotness is as hotness does, don't we?!?

I have a really cute picture of myself taking when I was about 21 -- looking lively, impish, sparklingly alive, with an adorably trim little figure. And I can totally remember how I felt about myself: too heavy, geeky glasses, breasts too small ... yet, through my eyes today, I was totally lovely! Weird.

My current philosphy (which I've managed to develop in the past half dozen years or so) is to like myself as I am. It doesn't matter if there are things I'd like to change (and there are, and I'm working on 'em), I am here today, and I'm me today, and I need to enjoy myself and be happy. And say nice things about myself. You know, "Don't worry, be happy!"

Heartily Sick of Flying!

I've actually lost count of how many times I've flown down to sit with my mother at the rehabilitation center (a.k.a. nursing home). I know it's been four times in the last six weeks. And I drove down three times in December (before she was hospitalized) and at least once in January (when we thought the end was imminent). Thank goodness Rebecca told me about all the special fares SouthWest has been offering! When I left the long-term parking lot Sunday evening and handed the attendant my $21 along with my parking ticket, he looked up in surprise and said, "You already know how much it is!" I answered, "I've done this before..." Boy, have I!

The good news about my mother doing so poorly (there's good news!?!) is now I can write anything I want in my blog, without having to worry about editing it for her eyes. I can even write about how tired, tired, tired I am of her constant complaints. I KNOW she feels badly, but talking about it and how incompetent the staff is constantly probably just MAKES HER FEEL WORSE! There. Got that off my chest.

Her spine is continuing to degenerate -- she's lost at least 5 inches in height, and who knows how much weight. She weighed 113 at her last weigh-in, which is up from a low of around 108. She's been having more and more difficulty using her legs. Her toes tend to turn in, and she has a lot of trouble getting her legs to do what she wants. She does have uterine cancer which is the slow-growing variety. A lot of what's wrong with her could be helped with surgery, but she's too weak for surgery. We thought she was having a heart attack several weeks ago, but it turned out to be angina again, I guess. The week-and-a-half back in the hospital weakened her even further. Her vision has deteriorated from the cataracts, and she's not hearing well (even with her hearing aids), so we can't entertain her anymore with books or TV. It's frustrating for all. It really is a downhill battle and just a matter of time before we lose her.

My next trip to see my mom is the last weekend of this month, so I'll have several weekends to catch up on stuff like ... oh, I don't know ... paying bills and doing my taxes for starters. She tried (and actually said that's what she was trying) to guilt me into coming back sooner, but I just can't. I really can't. I'm so totally burnt out. I feel badly for Jeannette who's shouldering most of the burden, and half the reason for my weekends there has been to give her a teeny bit of respite. She's had way more than her share of drama lately, in addition to caring for my folks.


At some point I'll go back and catch up on details of my Bonaire trip. I realize I left everybody hanging at Day 2. I do have notes and photos...just need to make the time to actually post them! It would be helpful if I finished up sharing the last trip before going on the next one. Honduras in May, if you're curious.

Long time, no hear

I've been spending a ton of time in southern California since my mother's been ill. The first trip was early December, and I've been averaging two to three trips per month ever since. Thank goodness for SouthWest Airlines! They been running specials, so each trip has been around $100, which is less than the gasoline and fast food would be if I drove!

My next trip (I'm in southern California right now) will be the last weekend of this month. My high school class is having a dinner that weekend, so I'm going to be taking a little side trip.