Happiness is...

...when the Cocoa & Creme TUMS Smoothies are on clearance. Got four packages for half price today. Woo hoo!

 

 

We spent Mother's Day weekend with my mother. She probably doesn't remember. And and I know she neither understood nor cared that it was Mother's Day. She just wanted to leave the care center: "I need my clothes. Let's go!" That's the most sense she ever made. "We have to go outside. They're out there!" "Who's out there, Grandma?" "The flowers!"

 

 

Mostly we just had very random conversations:

 

 

"I can read!"

 

"Yes, you can read, Mommy."

 

"I read a story. A children's story."

 

"You did?"

 

"There are two more pages. I don't know how it ends. Jeannette read a story."

 

 

"I had a nightmare."

 

"You had a nightmare?"

 

"It was a good one."

 

"That's good!"

 

 

"Did you see the mouse? It was growing! Do you see it?!"

 

I put my face really close to hers and said, "I won't let it get you. I promise."

 

"I'm okay."

 

"Yes, you're okay. You're going to be okay."

 

"You're okay."

 

"Yes, I'm okay."

 

"She's okay. She's okay."

 

"Yes, she's okay."

 

"I'm okay. I'm okay. This is getting ridiculous!" (then she smiled and fell asleep)

 

 

 

I'm almost completely packed for my Honduras trip - our flight is 6 a.m. this Friday. I did a little bit of last-minute shopping during my lunch hour today. That's when I found TUMS on clearance. Oh, happy day!

 

Cat's singing in a choir concert this evening, and she's got a solo! Guess who will be busting her buttons with pride!

Got my shots!

And they've finally stopped hurting, too. Typhoid, Hepatitis A & B, and Tetanus. I've never come close to getting so many in one sitting before. I also have Malaria pills (starts with a Q?) to start soon as well.

Walked to a different coffee house this morning and discovered it doesn't open until 8 on Sundays. Am I the only person on this planet who gets up early? Apparently so... Went back, got the car, and drove to my "tried and true." Which opens at 7 on Sundays.

I had no idea what to get my mother for Mother's Day. I will be down to see her, so found some lime-sherbet-green pajamas that are un-pajama-y enough to be worn for day wear and a matching short robe (not quite a bed jacket). Also found some sandal-ish shoes that hopefully will work. Usually I do something involving photos, but with her vision failing that seems less appropriate.

Tomorrow's packing night for Honduras. Of course, part will end up in a box, because I need one of my rolling bags for going down South this weekend. We're also squishing in some stuff for the children's home in Roatan.

Watchin' basketball

Why, you ask?

Because that's what was playing today at SpeeDee while I was waiting for my car to have its oil changed.

Another diversion was listening to a gal at the counter trying to figure out why her car service/repair/whatever cost more than "Jose" had told her it would. It's called "sales tax," honey!

And now my car's all happy.

* * *

My mom's in a care center now -- she was beyond furious, but it's just not possible to give her adequate care at home. She convinced my dad to spend the first night with her -- in a chair.

Last I heard, she's beginning to be okay with the whole thing. Being in a private room helps, I'm sure. I'm planning to go down again Mother's Day weekend, and so is Lizzie.

Just like Poot

I was awakened at 5:30 this morning by the sound of my mother murmuring quietly, over and over and over, "Help me. Please help me." And my dad asking, "Do you want water?" "Do you want the bathroom?" "What do you want?" Over and over and over.

It reminded me of when Cat was little and her only sentence was "Hep me, Mama!" and we turned it into a parody of the Beach Boys' song, "Help me, Rhonda."

My mom's language skills are slipping away. Last night I heard her tell my dad that her pants were very, very afraid.

State of confusion

I'm at my sister's again, visiting my folks.

Between the pain and the medication, my mother's enormously confused. When I first arrived yesterday evening, she worried that I might be missing classes. I assured her I wasn't.

In saying something about me and the dog to my father, she referred to us as "he" and "him" -- which neither of us is.

My dad mentioned that he'd like to have his pick-up moved up to my house and suggested maybe Lizzie and Jerm could come down with me some weekend and drive it back. I mentioned that Alex can drive a stick shift, so maybe I could recruit her. My mother's eyes went wide with shock and said, "But she's too young to drive!" Alex will be twenty-four next month.

This morning she asked me if we'd all come down for the reunion and if that's what my cup said. My cup had "Colorado" printed on it.

At one point my dad came in with his cup of coffee and my mom said, "You shouldn't be drinking coffee, either of you! It's bad for you!" Wait ... she's right ....

Disturbing Dream

For some reason, I was at my parent's house in the den having an accordion lesson - with my current teacher, not the one I had as a child. I was having a lot of trouble getting my hands to find the right keys, and we were both very frustrated. Then my teacher and accordion vanished, and my dad, mother and brother were there.

Some of my folks rendezvous friends were in the back yard (in full costume, some with their horses!) and were starting to come into the house. My dad pointed out how much one of them looked like Chooch. My brother was also amazed at the resemblance. When I saw the man it was true. He looked much like a young Chooch, in his early 20s.

I felt panicky, like I was going to suffocate and start crying if I didn't get out of the room, and I didn't want anyone to see how I was feeling.

My mom left, too, but as she was leaving, she told my dad to make sure to get the Bob Hope Memorial something-or-other from them. I had the sense that it was some sort of book or something similar. My dad didn't hear her, and my brother was trying to get his attention to tell him. By then, the friends were back in the yard and getting on their horses, and, when he heard, my dad, who was standing at the glass door watching his friends, just shook his head with his back to my brother, clearly communicating that it was too late.

I realized my mom shouldn't be alone in her bedroom (strangely enough, it was located where my brother's old room is), because she can't get around by herself or walk. I ran in to help her, but she looked very strange. Almost like some sort of TV alien. Shriveled and shiny.

She was angry that I wasn't my dad and I was trying to find out which side of the bed was hers. She completed ignored me and kept asking about my dad. I tried to tell her who I was, over and over and over: "I'm Charlotte! You're my Mommy!", but then she pulled back her fist to punch me. I managed to protect myself as she tried again and again, and kept trying to get her to understand who I was. Suddenly she had a pencil in her hand and was trying to stab me.

I awoke.

Oh, dear!

I got a really, really sweet message on my cell phone last night from my mother, wishing me a happy birthday.

Unfortunately, yesterday's my younger sister's birthday, not mine!

So, I did what any good big sister would have done. I called my sister (ended up leaving her a message) and told her that the good news was my mother had called to wish her a happy birthday, and the bad news was she had dialed my number by mistake.

Guess this means I get to be my sister's age, now! Cool!

I don't think my sister ever reads my blog, but just in case ... I'll resist my urge to announce her age to everybody on earth.

My dad just can't win...

My mom was talking earlier today about how she wants to weigh herself because she's been trying to gain weight and is wondering how she's doing. Not too longer after that, my dad was helping her up to her walker and said to her, "You're getting heavier!"

So ... being female ... my mom put on her very best hurt face and hurt voice and said, "I guess I'll just stop eating, then!"

Which brings us around to the best answer to the question "Do I look fat?":

"Do I look stupid?"

Wonderful evening!

I had a terrific time yesterday evening getting together with some of my high school classmates. It was great having time to chat and catch up on what's going on in everyone's life. I'm looking forward to the next event -- beach party, this summer! (note to self: increase gym time)

My mom is still holding on. She was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's, in addition to the other zillion things she's struggling with. I tease her that she gets half her calories from pills! It does seem as though she takes one step forward, then two steps back. She and my dad will never be able to live alone again -- she needs more care than he can handle by himself.

I had a chance to check on my folks' house. I started looking at it with an eye to selling. It'll just have go "as is." It needs way too much work. The next step will be convincing my dad it's time. Somehow I've got to make him think it's his idea...

SPIDERS - eeewwwww!

I killed two black widow spiders yesterday. Gross. Double gross. I hate hate hate spiders! Did I mention I hate spiders?

It looks like this is going to be another big year for those nasty critters. The worst was when we kept finding them ON THE FRONT PORCH. Did nobody tell them they're supposed to hide in dark places?!? Must've been mutants, or something.

EEEWWW!

Magic Eraser

I found a new use for a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! Piano keys! It even removed most of the scotch tape one of my daughters (who shall remain nameless) used to label them with.

Rambling thoughts...

I read a magazine article today where a woman mentioned looking at old pictures of herself and realizing how hot she was before "neckular degeneration" set in. First, I nearly laughed myself under the table at her wonderfully descriptive phrase, and then started thinking about how self critical many of us are. And how that author still is, since she was basically saying that women with neckular degeneration can't be hot! And we all know that hotness is as hotness does, don't we?!?

I have a really cute picture of myself taking when I was about 21 -- looking lively, impish, sparklingly alive, with an adorably trim little figure. And I can totally remember how I felt about myself: too heavy, geeky glasses, breasts too small ... yet, through my eyes today, I was totally lovely! Weird.

My current philosphy (which I've managed to develop in the past half dozen years or so) is to like myself as I am. It doesn't matter if there are things I'd like to change (and there are, and I'm working on 'em), I am here today, and I'm me today, and I need to enjoy myself and be happy. And say nice things about myself. You know, "Don't worry, be happy!"

Heartily Sick of Flying!

I've actually lost count of how many times I've flown down to sit with my mother at the rehabilitation center (a.k.a. nursing home). I know it's been four times in the last six weeks. And I drove down three times in December (before she was hospitalized) and at least once in January (when we thought the end was imminent). Thank goodness Rebecca told me about all the special fares SouthWest has been offering! When I left the long-term parking lot Sunday evening and handed the attendant my $21 along with my parking ticket, he looked up in surprise and said, "You already know how much it is!" I answered, "I've done this before..." Boy, have I!

The good news about my mother doing so poorly (there's good news!?!) is now I can write anything I want in my blog, without having to worry about editing it for her eyes. I can even write about how tired, tired, tired I am of her constant complaints. I KNOW she feels badly, but talking about it and how incompetent the staff is constantly probably just MAKES HER FEEL WORSE! There. Got that off my chest.

Her spine is continuing to degenerate -- she's lost at least 5 inches in height, and who knows how much weight. She weighed 113 at her last weigh-in, which is up from a low of around 108. She's been having more and more difficulty using her legs. Her toes tend to turn in, and she has a lot of trouble getting her legs to do what she wants. She does have uterine cancer which is the slow-growing variety. A lot of what's wrong with her could be helped with surgery, but she's too weak for surgery. We thought she was having a heart attack several weeks ago, but it turned out to be angina again, I guess. The week-and-a-half back in the hospital weakened her even further. Her vision has deteriorated from the cataracts, and she's not hearing well (even with her hearing aids), so we can't entertain her anymore with books or TV. It's frustrating for all. It really is a downhill battle and just a matter of time before we lose her.

My next trip to see my mom is the last weekend of this month, so I'll have several weekends to catch up on stuff like ... oh, I don't know ... paying bills and doing my taxes for starters. She tried (and actually said that's what she was trying) to guilt me into coming back sooner, but I just can't. I really can't. I'm so totally burnt out. I feel badly for Jeannette who's shouldering most of the burden, and half the reason for my weekends there has been to give her a teeny bit of respite. She's had way more than her share of drama lately, in addition to caring for my folks.


At some point I'll go back and catch up on details of my Bonaire trip. I realize I left everybody hanging at Day 2. I do have notes and photos...just need to make the time to actually post them! It would be helpful if I finished up sharing the last trip before going on the next one. Honduras in May, if you're curious.

Long time, no hear

I've been spending a ton of time in southern California since my mother's been ill. The first trip was early December, and I've been averaging two to three trips per month ever since. Thank goodness for SouthWest Airlines! They been running specials, so each trip has been around $100, which is less than the gasoline and fast food would be if I drove!

My next trip (I'm in southern California right now) will be the last weekend of this month. My high school class is having a dinner that weekend, so I'm going to be taking a little side trip.

Bonaire Trip - Day 2

It was rather warm in Bonaire at 5:15 am -- about 81 degrees. It's always strange to me when it's warm before the sun comes up! We had a bit of a line to wait in to get through customs, but even that was interesting because we were serenaded the whole time by some tropical bird under the eves of the airport terminal.

After we gathered all our luggage, we found our way over to the car rental area. I say "car", but most rental vehicles on Bonaire are actually pick-up trucks. Like most I saw, ours had a crew cab and a wooden rack in the bed for carrying scuba tanks.



We managed to navigate our way pretty easily through Kralendijk in the dark. Fortunately, there were lots of signs - just no street signs, so my map was next to useless. First we headed toward downtown, and then followed the signs that said "hotels." When we got to the traffic circle (the only one on the island), we knew we were getting close.

As we were getting out of our truck at Captain Don's Habitat, I saw a shuttle full of people pulling in (obviously had arrived on our same plane), so we hustled a bit to get into the lobby ahead of them. We'd reserved a room for Friday night, so we were able to check right in.

There were several people on the shuttle (a single dive group) who were quite vocally amazed and annoyed that their rooms weren't ready for them. At 6 o'clock in the morning. What hotel on this planet has a 6 a.m. check-in time, I ask you?

Dive orientation was at 9, so we forced ourselves to stay awake for awhile after breakfast. It was very low key -- they checked our diver certification cards (affectionately known as "C" Cards) and explained the marine park rules. We were free to do our orientation dive on our own anytime the first day, so we went back to our room and slept about four hours. We were in no shape to be diving, tired as we were!

In the afternoon, after we bought our marine park tags and rented our gear, we took a nice dive off Baby Dock. 30 minutes, maximum depth 60 feet.

Then we had a delightful, delicious and leisurely dinner of lasagna at Pasa Bon Pizza.

Bonaire Trip - Day 1

We caught a mid-day flight to Houston where we had about a 6-hour layover. After a long, leisurely dinner at Pappadeaux in the airport, we sat near our gate and people watched. At Pappadeaux, I had the best Key Lime pie EVER! I also had a shrimp and crab cocktail and a crawfish platter.

I slept in bits and pieces on our redeye flight to Bonaire. The movie was Poseidon -- poor choice for someone going to spend a few days in the ocean, don't you think? I never plugged in my earphones, but I did watch the scene where the rogue wave rolls the cruise ship over....

We landed in Bonaire about 5:15 a.m.

Eek! I've been subpoenaed!

I checked my answering machine messages for this last week a little while ago, and there was a message from the DA's office about the subpoena I received to appear this Friday. Well...I don't have any subpoena, so I'll have to call the office tomorrow. I did enough research online to see that the number given on my machine is for the Witness Coordination Office.

I did get a letter a few months or so ago about someone who had some of my mail in his possession, and I filled out a form and returned it that said I didn't know the person and he didn't have permission to have my mail. Maybe it's about that.

I was subpoenaed about something very similar a couple of years ago. Maybe it's time to get a locking mailbox, huh?

Fire at Las Vegas' Venetian Hotel

Maybe I'm a bit of a disaster magnet...!

We were at the Venetian, watching "Phantom: The Las Vegas Spectacular", and when we came out of the hotel about 9 p.m., discovered the entire street was closed with police and fire vehicles everywhere:
http://www.klas-tv.com/Global/story.asp?S=5447704

Phantom was incredible -- absolutely an amazing, beautiful, breathtaking, wonderful program. Definitely worth seeing, if you get the chance.

We saw "Zumanity" Saturday night: http://www.zumanity.com/. It's the adult member of the Cirque du Soleil family -- really more of a variety show. Very racy, lots of nudity, varied from funny as heck to totally amazing and unreal.

And had incredible meals during the weekend at Michael's http://www.barbarycoastcasino.com/dining/michaels.php, Emeril's http://www.emerils.com/restaurants/lasvegas_fishhouse/index.html, and Commander's Palace http://www.commanderspalace.com/las_vegas/index.php.

Lovely anniversary roses...

The ladies I work with are jealous, and the men are hoping their wives don't find out, 'cause I get flowers every month!

Aren't I spoiled?

Found Hermione

Poor Hermione apparently crawled off into a dark corner of a seldom-used closet to die. I was sure she hadn’t died anywhere in the house, because we never smelled anything. Strange thing is there was never any odor. It’s like she just dried up. Poor little kitty.