Between a rock and a hard place

I went to breakfast at Mimi's this morning, and as I was leaving, I walked past a group of 10 or 12 people mingling in the parking lot. One gentleman was off to the side on his cell phone, and I heard him say something like, "What brand is on the unit?" So I figured he was working.

Then a young man in the group said something like, "He's always on the damn phone," which the first man appeared not even to hear. I felt badly for the first man who appeared to be trying to move ahead in his job, close a deal, build a business - maybe create a legacy - and was getting no respect or appreciation of his hard work from his family.

As I got into my car, I flashed onto an episode that occurred back in my 20s. At the time, I was working full time as a secretary, and giving music lessons and taking in typing in the evenings. Just trying to make ends meet, somehow, and not very successfully.

I was talking with my husband and tried to bounce an idea off him of yet another way to make extra money (I've forgotten what the idea was), and he promptly accused me of being a "money grubber."

Now, I was just trying to create some comfort and security for our young family, and was also trying to find a way that I could be the one to stay home with our children instead of him, so I was completely blind-sided by his reaction. It still both hurts and angers me when I think about it!

In hindsight, that was a huge red flag of something seriously wrong in our relationship. I wanted safety and security and the knowledge we'd always be able to put food on the table. He saw himself as part of the "moneyed" class (without an inheritance!), and anyone who had to dirty their hands with work was low class and contemptible.

Basically, he wanted adventure and excitement and as little responsibility as possible. And since I was working hard and long so he could have some approximation of what he wanted, I was unworthy of respect.